I know I have wrote once about my mother, which you can read Here. But today I am writing something that my mother along with all the single mothers face if they are from India.
No offense, I am a proud Indian. But there was once an age old tradition in which the wife on the death of the husband had to jump and kill herself in the pyre. You can find this even in Mahabharata.
Fondly named as Sati, this was followed for centuries until Lord William Bentinck pressurized by the movement conducted by Raja Ram Mohan Roy put an end to this illogical practice.
I don’t want this to be a history post. But since we are on the topic, I am forced to mention it. Even though the practice has been abolished, the remnants can still be seen in our society.
A widower is encouraged to marry again, citing that his kids need a mother. But a widow is forced to look after her kids alone and shunned if she wants a life partner. People look at a widow in a very bad manner.
Leave remarriage, the widows are forced to live life in a certain manner. They are no longer supposed to wear good clothes, go out to watch movie with their kids, in some extreme cases, to even mingle with men.
But why? They are not invited for weddings. There was a situation I faced when my mom wasn’t called for the wedding of a girl who was the daughter of our very close relative but I and my brother were invited. So do they expect us to attend the same wedding in which our mother wasn’t invited?
Our society consider them as bad sign. But why? Aren’t they human? Was it their mistake that their life partner didn’t live long? Why are they a bad sign? They didn’t ask want their partner to leave them and go. They didn’t poison them or ask them to drink and smoke or do anything to harm their health.
It was the choice and mistakes and fate of their partners that became the reason for their death. Or at times, even old age. My mom haven’t even extended her hand in front of others for help. She stood on her own feet and raised her kids.
Still she is uninvited. Isn’t my mother an inspiration? Then why is she still uninvited? Doesn’t my mother have a good heart and a kind smile? Then why is she uninvited? Wasn’t she a good wife, an excellent mother and a good daughter in law? Then why is she still uninvited?
Once she asked me, “What if I am asked to stay away from attending your marriage?”. Does anyone think that I will allow my mother, the same person who breaks her bones and head to arrange my marriage, to be shunned from attending my marriage?
When I asked her the reason for that question, she replied that people sees her as bad omen, a person who shouldn’t attend auspicious ceremonies. I couldn’t believe the person who is the reason for my birth, the one who supports me in everything I do, suddenly became the bad omen?
Why don’t people realize that they have a heart and feelings. Having their spouse pass away doesn’t make them unworthy for the luxuries and happiness in life.
I have heard that a guy says that his mother in law is shameless as she goes out even after her husband is no more. Note that, his own mother is a widow. How does that even bother him? Its her life, she wants to enjoy it, she is just being human, a normal human. She deserves it.
What if your mother or sister is in such a situation? When my father passed away, everyone expected her to be only in white clothes (God knows for what reason it is white), it seems. But neither her family nor her kids (me and my brother) wanted it.
She is the most colorful person I ever know. I wouldn’t want her lead a colorless life. It is us, the people around them who should elevate their status in society, make them feel at home and at ease.
Saddest part is they are molded to believe that they don’t deserve happiness and many fall into depression. Just think, these women are already sad losing their partners. Shouldn’t they be made happy, rather than pushing them deep down into a black hole?
Does anyone think of the mental agony they go through due to circumstances out of their hands and the situations that the society creates for them? These ladies are the real fighters, leading a life even after they lost their partners. They must be celebrated, not seen as bad omens.
I want my mother to smile always. She must not drop a single tear thinking that she is alone. She will be the first person in my marriage, brightening the day with her smile and I don’t care what ‘society’ says.